Friday, July 30, 2010

Friends...

So, friends. Even though I screwed up with any conversation I have had, cept the dozen or so with Caleb ;-) not aly's Caleb... He's 16 and has a yellow lancer and almost perfect brown hair and green eyes... And sigh. Ethan's cousin

More Ryan drama. Great isn't it?? He doesn't get how I've dated like 4 of his friends since he moved plus Kyle (mistake) already... Most successful summer yet. Just kidding actually. I feel sorta bad... Whatever

I ditched my 3 best friends yesterday because Caleb took me slip n sliding :-) lol it was intense and awesome and Ethan and Kristen were there so it's not even like... Well it wasn't... Yes it was. Nevermind :-)
Anyways even tho it was amazing I feel really bad still.

John has to be there a day earlier than he thougt an it's still later than they want him there. He says that he'll miss ke anyways so he might as well start getting over it sooner. I'm sure that he meant that lovingly or whatever but it hurt really badly because he's not trying to care about the last days we'll have in this kind of life situation. Also too bad that this "situation" is so absolutely terrible.

When people say that they don't trust you and won't tell you anything anymore, they shouldn't just randomly tell you that they're abused and the tales of their mom beating them and how if you tell anyone that stuff, she'll throw herself out of a window. Hypothetically, of course.

Love my friends...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Satisfied

Right now, I can't regret not killing myself because this is where I'm supposed to be... Sitting on the couch watching a documentary with the best brother I could have, being able to just look at the mountains in Chile and sit in awe and amazement

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Why should i even pretend to care anymore??? All of the people who said they cared just end up being jerks or hypocrites or just generally jerks. And all that I end up with is a shitty life with horrible parents, bad brothers, annoying friends, lies, and hurt. And yes, today I am letting myself feel sorry for ke because nobody else does, and I don't even care how pathetic that makes me.
Fuck life.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Love

LOVE

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
     -Dr. Suess

Cinderella walked on glass, Sleeping Beauty let a lifetime pass, Belle fell in love with a beast, Jasmine chose a poor man, Ariel spent her life on land. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly

 "Love is not something your heart falls into, but something that picks it up and sets it soaring."

We were given: two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. two ears to listen. But why only one heart?Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most

Love begins with a smile, grows witha kiss, and ends with a teardrop.

The sound of a kiss is nit so loud as that of a cannon, but it's echo lasts a great deal longer.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Love is like pi- natural, irrational, and very important
-Lisa Hoffman

You can't blame gravity for falling in love.
-Albert Einstein

Never try to define love. Once defined live is confined. Once confined - it dies.

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Saddness

I am sad about:
John leaving
Erin
Daniel breaking his collar bone
that Kim is telling me exactly what I don't need to hear about being sad and onquering depression and other shit that doesn't really help in any way
that Aly is gone
that Netflix isn't working
I have no point in living
that I didn't kill myself in December
I have some friends I can't wait to get rid of
I have to smile all of the time and then i go cry myself to sleep every frikkin night but everybody says that I just need to smile even though I am so hurt and smiling just makes it worse
I feel pathetic
there are things I don't dare post on a blog, but are killing me

and every thought I have is plagued by pain and the knowledge that it just keeps getting harder and harder to deal with, and I have no one who would listen to all the stuf I can't even post

I absolutely HATE life but I can't end it now because with my luck I would end up not dying and would end up in a phsyc unit with everything in the room bolted to the floor or walls. This sucks